The Book Bump

Saturday, 10^th January marked my three-month anniversary as a published author. And I won’t pretend the date itself feels monumental. Three months isn’t a particularly long time, especially not in publishing.

It is, however, long enough for the initial “illusion” to wear off.

The decision to self-publish my debut came after some great feedback from an agent. They liked my writing style and thought my hook was great… they just didn’t quite latch on to the concept.

After a few more unsuccessful attempts to query, I published my manuscript via Ingram Spark. The weeks leading up to publishing day passed in a blur of cover design, formatting, and last-minute edits. I didn’t have time to think about what I was doing; I was just doing it. I’d made myself a checklist and methodically ticked them off, one by one.

It wasn’t until I saw my book available for preorder on online retailers like Amazon or Barnes and Noble that I started to realise what I was doing. I was letting the world see my work, something that I’ve usually kept to myself, or at least, never shown or spoken to my family about it.

When I received the author’s copy of my debut novel, it almost brought tears to my eyes. I’d achieved a childhood dream. I published a book. My book was out in the world for anyone and everyone to see.

The initial response was far bigger than I expected: family, friends, friends of friends, friends of family… they all rallied behind me, supporting me on this new adventure as an author. Many of the initial buyers sent me personal messages saying how much they enjoyed the book.

Those messages mean more to me than words could ever express. They are the reason I started writing more seriously. Not for fame, not for ego, but for the joy of bringing entertainment to others. I know how much I love reading, and I’ve loved it since I was little. The idea that I could give something back to the reading community is what pushed me to write and to keep writing. A shared love of stories.

However, after the first month or so, sales began to dwindle. I was surprised how quickly the first wave died down. I hadn’t planned a big launch, and I was still trying to grow my online presence after a lengthy absence.

I sold enough copies to go just beyond my first circle of family and friends, but then things went quiet. I started to doubt my worth as an author.

I knew comparison wasn’t helpful, but I couldn’t help noticing other authors online. Seeing their success gave me great joy, but it didn’t stop me from wondering what I was doing wrong… I spent hours questioning myself. A lot more than I imagined.

For a few weeks, working on my current WIP lost its appeal. Not because I don’t love writing, but because I’d spent so much time on my debut novel, I’d poured my heart and soul into it, I didn’t know if I had anything left to give.

One thing I failed to anticipate was the discomfort I’d feel from self-promoting my work. I imagined it would come naturally. I’m not a particularly extroverted person, but I’ve done amateur dramatics, and I thought I could tap into those skills to help “perform”. As it turns out, talking into a camera feels more awkward than I expected, whether I’m talking about my book or my process…

One of the hardest things about promotion is knowing what’s too much and what’s not enough. I’d love more readers to find my book, as all authors do. We write with the reader in mind. But I don’t want to be constantly shouting about my book. That’s not my personality, and “performing” on social media is a lot more energy-draining than I ever imagined.

I still have so much to learn about publishing and everything that comes after it. But one thing that stuck with me on this journey so far is this: Why would people buy your book? There are so many books out there; all are worth reading, but nobody will ever have enough time to read them all… so why would a reader choose my book over another?

I think the answer comes from connection. When readers feel connected, they are more likely to invest money and, more importantly, time in an author. I am the first to do this, too.

So, as far as my debut novel goes, I am going to let the book exist. That is already a huge achievement. I shall likely talk about it occasionally to remind people that it exists, but I am going to focus on building connections with my growing community.

I realise, now, that hitting publish wasn’t the end of a journey, but the beginning of another. As for validation, I am slowly realising that it comes from within, and anyone else’s approval is a cherry on the cake. I’ve never been a confident person, but self-publishing has taught me to adapt and to grow even when I am outside my comfort zone.

Now that the illusions of publishing have faded, I don’t regret my decision to publish. My book is still there, slowly finding its audience.

And most importantly, I’ve started writing again, which, three months in, feels like the most important thing. If you’d like to follow my writing journey, you can sign up for my newsletter here.

If you are a writer at any stage of this process, you’re not alone in these feelings.